Author's Notes: A big squishy hug to Anne, who helped me out of the corner into which I had written myself.

Chapter Nineteen
Not Letting Go

Jack was holding something. He wasn't sure what. It felt like Daniel's hand, but it was the only solid thing in a mass of glowing light. It didn't matter. It was real, it was Daniel, and Jack was never letting it go.

Daniel was a miniature sun, the size of a beach ball, pulsing in mid-air in front of Jack's chest. Jack squinted, unable to look directly at the light that Daniel had become. Warmth radiated off Daniel. The skin on Jack's face felt dry and stretched. His lips cracked. His arm was turning red.

        Gonna have the worst sunburn in history, Jack thought grimly.
        The Gavril-glow-ball whacked against the Daniel-glow-ball.  They both flared and 

shot out lightning sparks where they connected. Jack closed his eyes, but the light pierced the thin layer of protection. His eyelids tightened involuntarily, and tears seeped from the corners of his eyes. Heat engulfed his hand. It licked upward, coiling around his wrist and forearm. Jack clenched his jaw through another flare and yet another.

Then Gavril struck at Daniel and didn't back off. The two spheres locked, blazing with combined intensity.

Jack howled. His left hand, somewhere inside the glow-balls, was on fire. He looked down through a haze of agony and saw blisters rising on his wrist.

He forced breath through gritted teeth. Dimly, through the searing pain, he could still feel the something that was Daniel, tucked inside his scorched fingers. His brain screamed at him to let go, to jerk his hand free of the torture. He ignored it and curled his fingers tighter around Daniel.

It was just pain. He could deal with pain. To distract his mind, he tried listing all the pain he'd overcome through the years. Staff blasts, zat stuns, broken ribs, concussions. Speared to a wall. His shoulder throbbed in sudden memory.

He could smell his hand now. The stench of burning flesh clogged his nostrils and brought memories of Iraq.

He had held out four months. He could do this. For Danny, he could wait forever.

        Oh, God, it hurt.
        Not.  Letting.  Go. 
        Other voices joined the clamor of his shrieking brain.  Someone yanked his elbow, 

trying to extract his hand. He snarled and thrust farther into the light, clamping tighter onto Daniel. The fire began to claw its way toward his elbow.

"Colonel...please." The voice buzzed like an mosquito, annoying in its persistence. He couldn't make out all the words. "...irreparable damage...nerves...lose your hand...let go..."

"Shut up!" He yelled at the irritating voice and his own panicking brain and at the overwhelming agony. "Just shut up! I'm not letting go. Never again. Never. Again."

He concentrated on breathing. He couldn't do much else. Thought scattered like ashes.

        "Jaaaack!"  Daniel's voice called, far away and terrified.
        The uncooperative, pain-numbed fingers of his left hand no longer worked.  Jack 

plunged his other hand into the globe of light and latched onto the something Daniel had left him. "I'm here, Danny! I've got you. Come home, Daniel. You can do it, buddy. I've got you."

And suddenly he did have Daniel. The light sputtered and died, leaving a naked, six-year-old, flesh-and-blood Daniel in Jack's arms.

        Daniel snagged Jack's shirt feebly and whispered, "Don't let..."  
        His eyelids fluttered.  He gasped and went limp.
        The weight against Jack's damaged hands drove him to his knees.  He clutched 

convulsively, pulling Daniel in toward his chest with his forearms to take the pressure off his hands. His vision blurred. He wanted to collapse and let the pain take him into dark oblivion. Then he felt someone trying to tug Daniel out of his arms.

        "No."  He fought his way through the darkness.  "No."
        Hammond, kneeling beside him and supporting part of Daniel's weight, spoke 
gently, "Jack, we need to get you two to the infirmary.  Let me take him."
        "No.  Not letting go.  Promised him."
        "Jack--"
        "No.  I'll take him."  Jack readjusted Daniel so he could carry him and pushed 

upward. His legs wobbled. Hammond rose with him, keeping a steadying hand under his elbow.

        The pain was fading.  A bad sign, Jack knew.  Shock.
        Jack barely remembered the trip to the infirmary.  A medical team met them just 

before they reached the elevator, and Janet convinced him to set Daniel on the gurney. Jack maintained contact throughout, finally ending up with his burned but less-damaged right hand clamped around Daniel's left hand. Jack kept his own left hand tucked against his chest and tried not to look at it. He'd caught one glimpse of his twisted, claw-like fingers, the blackened skin of his hand, the oozing redness of his wrist and forearm. One glimpse was enough. His nostrils still twitched at the smell.

In the infirmary, he floated into a sort of haze, listening to the familiar hum of equipment and Janet's calm in-charge voice. Someone slid a chair behind him and pushed him into it. He sank gratefully, exhausted beyond measure.

        He kept hold of Daniel's hand.
        Despite the lethargy, he knew the moment Janet tried to inject him with a 

sedative. He reared back, avoiding the needle, and shook himself out of the numb place where he had drifted.

        "No."
        Janet's voice was soothing, the way one calms a wild animal.  "Colonel, your 
hands are severely burned.  I need to take care of them."
        "No drugs.  I have to hold onto Daniel"
        "Daniel's fine for now.  He's in a coma, but his vitals are stable.  You can let go."
        Jack gazed at her.  "If I let go, we'll lose him."
        "He's going to be--"
        "Janet."
        She stopped and met his gaze.
        "Janet, this isn't the pain.  This isn't shock.  This isn't even Colonel O'Neill, your 

commanding officer. This is Jack, your friend. I'm asking you, Janet. I'm begging you. I know it's not logical or sound medical science, but trust me on this. If I let Daniel go, we will lose him."

They stared at each other for a long minute. Finally Janet dropped her gaze to his burned hand. "Will you let me take care of that?"

"Yes." God, yes, his mind blubbered its agreement. The pain was starting to inch back into his awareness. "But find a way to do it here. One hand at a time. And if I pass out, make sure I'm still touching Daniel. Please, Janet?"

She pursed her lips, not entirely convinced, but nodded. "How long do you intend to hold onto him exactly?"

Jack looked at Daniel's pale face. "Until he opens his eyes and tells me he's home for good, I'm not letting go."

#

Daniel was lost. He was supposed to be going home, but he'd forgotten the way. He was scared and alone and very tired.

        He floated.
        It wasn't such a bad place to float.  Stars shimmered around him, and he could 

draw them close like a blanket. There were secrets here, whispering to him, and maybe when he wasn't so tired, he could listen.

        He floated.
        He had no form or shape.  He was just energy.  Only thought and will kept the 

parts that were Daniel together. He imagined he was a balloon, drifting in the expanse that was familiar but not home.

        He floated.
        He considered giving up.  Letting go of his balloon-like frame and freeing the 

parts of himself. Scattering to the oblivion where he wouldn't be tired or alone. But he wanted home more than he wanted oblivion. He just wished he knew how to find it.

        He floated.
        Something kept tugging at him.  Finally, he remembered that a balloon sometimes 

had a string. He followed the contours of himself and found the thin cord. It bound him to someone else, somewhere else.

He tried to free himself first. The cord was wrapped so tightly that it hurt. But he couldn't untangle it, and it wouldn't let go.

He tried to cut it. It was long, and he was too tired to follow it all the way back to its source. But it was too strong to cut, and it wouldn't let go.

So he followed the cord. Whenever he thought to quit, it tugged at him, insistent. It wouldn't let go.

Gradually Daniel realized the cord was leading him home. It grew brighter and stronger, like a beacon of light left in a window. He focused on that light, pulling himself back. He held onto the cord that wouldn't let go and came home.

#

Daniel opened his eyes. The infirmary was quiet and dimly-lit, so he decided it was night. The bed was slightly raised, so he was half-sitting but comfortable enough to sleep. He felt strange, not-quite-together. His skin itched as his energy adjusted to the uncomfortable limitations of a body's physical boundaries. He still felt as if he might float away, but something was preventing it.

A weight on his thigh stirred. He glanced down and smiled. Jack. Jack was sleeping with his head propped against Daniel's thigh. His right arm was slung over Daniel's knees. His left hand rested on Daniel's shoulder. He was holding Daniel down. Grounding him to the physical realm.

Daniel traced a finger over Jack's face. It was red and peeling. Daniel noticed that both of Jack's arms were bandaged to the elbow. Tears of gratitude stung Daniel's eyes. Jack had gotten hurt, yet he was still keeping Daniel safe.

When he blinked back the tears, he realized that Jack was awake and staring at him.

        "Hey, Jack," he whispered.
        "Danny?"  Jack straightened, and Daniel noticed how carefully he moved and how 
he never let his hand stray from its place on Daniel's shoulder.
        "How long?"  Daniel lifted a hand to indicate the infirmary and was surprised at 
how hard it was.  His hand felt like lead.
        "Two and a half days."  Jack's voice was hoarse.
        Oh.  That explained Jack's rumpled clothes, the stubble on Jack's face, and the 
exhaustion sunk into Jack's eyes.
        "Sorry."
        "You back now?"
        "Um.  Think so."  The ethereal sang to him, inviting him to explore its mysteries.  
Stars danced to the music. 
        "Daniel?  Daniel!"
        Daniel shook himself, blocking his awareness of the ethereal.  He blinked and saw 

Jack's face hovering near his. Jack's eyes were wide and panicky, and Daniel wondered how long he had drifted back to the ethereal. He resolved not to do it again.

        "Sorry.  I'm here."
        Jack breathed out, closed his eyes, and lowered his head until his forehead 
touched Daniel's.  "God, don't scare me like that."
        His hands were heavy on Daniel's shoulders.  Daniel could smell the antiseptic-
soaked gauze.  He reached up and carefully took both hands in his.
        "Sit back," he directed.  That Jack did so without question was another sign of the 
man's fatigue.  "Doctor Janet shoulda made you go home and sleep."
        "Couldn't.  Had to hold you.  Promised."
        "Oh."  Daniel shivered, acutely aware of what would have happened if Jack 
hadn't held on with such persistence. 
        He settled Jack's left hand in his lap and unwrapped the bandages from the right 

hand with slow, gentle movements. Jack watched though half-lidded eyes, too tired to object. Daniel examined the reddened skin and felt the prick of grateful tears once more. He placed the right hand in his lap and reached for the left hand. Jack pulled it away.

"No, Danny. It's...ugly. It doesn't work anymore. Doc says I'll have to get a fake hand."

One of the tears slipped down Daniel's cheek, and he reached for Jack's hand. "Let me fix it."

        Jack swallowed, staring at the dead, bandaged hand.  "Can you?"
        "If I do it now."  His skin tingled with energy.  It would fade as his body 

readjusted to the physical realm, but for now, he was so close to the ethereal, he could draw from its energy effortlessly.

"You won't go away on me, will you?" Jack asked as Daniel started to unwrap the bandages.

"For a minute, maybe. But I'll be holding you this time." He flashed a smile up at Jack and then concentrated again on the bandages. His smile fell as he finished and saw the twisted claw that remained of Jack's hand.

        "Told you it was ugly."
        Daniel shook his head.  He lifted both hands into his own again and gazed at them 

reverently. These hands had held him, anchored him, saved him from oblivion. They were beautiful.

He directed his energy into Jack. Heat and light flowed downward to surround their joined hands. Jack flinched and garbled Daniel's name in a high-pitched protest. Daniel held tighter when Jack tried to pull away.

"Ssh. I've got you, Jack," he murmured, repeating the words that had so often comforted him after nightmares. "Just relax. I've got you. It'll be okay."

Jack breathed hard, the air whistling through gritted teeth, but he relaxed his hands in Daniel's grip. Trusting.

The infirmary grew vague, like a ghost image. Daniel focused on the solidity of Jack's hands. The release of his energy was instinctual. The knowledge was there, easily accessed, but he didn't need it. His intuition guided him. He knew the moment he had completed his task.

The cord between him and Jack was still in place, brilliant in its intensity. Daniel followed its light back to the infirmary. He released Jack's hands with a sigh and sagged into the pillow behind him. His eyelids drooped.

        "Daniel!"  Both of Jack's completely-healed hands seized his arm.
        Daniel smiled and blinked sleepily.  "I'm here, Jack."
        "Sticking around for a while?"
        "Oh, yeah."
        "Kicked old Gravel-guy's butt, didja?"
        He thought about that.  He couldn't remember exactly what had happened.  "I 
guess so.  I know the Others can't hurt me anymore.  I think...  I think I was brave, Jack."
        Jack rested his left hand against Daniel's cheek and stroked his thumb over the 
cheekbone.  "That's my boy."
        Daniel beamed.  He bet that's why the Others had decided to leave him alone.  He 

was Jack's boy. Happiness bubbled in his heart like water gushing out of a fountain. He laughed because the joy wouldn't stay inside. "I'm home, Jack. Forever and ever."

Jack's eyelashes were spiky and wet, but his grin matched Daniel's. "Yes, you are, Danny. Yes, you are."